Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
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20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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