I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
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