just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
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She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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