I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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