I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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