I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
