Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
