Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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