This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
