I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
