Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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