if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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