His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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