ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
