Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
