If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
