Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
