I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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