He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
