Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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