I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
