we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
