I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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