glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
two words...techno handjob
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
