Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
