is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
