I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
