I saw his package. It spoke to me.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
