Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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