So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
