my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
We smell like vodka and hangover
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