Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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