the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
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