Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
