her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
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He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
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Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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