Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
