I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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