I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
