When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
its not stalking. its research.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
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