Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
is that a dick in a sweater?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
