I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
