If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
