I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
