I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize