my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
ok first of all what the fuck
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
