Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
