If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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