evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
