oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
