Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
