Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
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