I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
