Ambien. No doubt about it.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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