he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
