You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I'm jealous of your bromance
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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