Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
