Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
