Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
