Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
