Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
