Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
