cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
My liver just had a heart attack.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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