Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
