I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
