im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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