i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
