Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
i came on her dog
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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