he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
