Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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